I need your help. I’ve been engaged for about two years now. I love my man very much. He’s a hard worker and he is dependable and he makes me laugh as well as smile. He tells me he loves me all the time. But when we were talking just a few days ago about our upcoming wedding in the fall, he finally told me that he had come to a decision about us getting married. He said that I had been getting bigger and that I was acting like I didn’t want to take care of myself. He has a good body. He works out sometimes but I think he just naturally keeps his weight where he wants it. But me, well he said I gotta lose weight or I would lose him! Let me say that, more than anything, I Don’t Want to LOSE HIM! I could try to start working out but I don’t know how far I would get by this fall. What should I do?

Sincerely,

“Too Big of A Bride”

Dear “Too Big of A Bride,”

First, it sounds like the only person who is calling you ‘too big’ is your fiance. And I think you are calling yourself ‘too big’ because you are allowing what he says to carry too much weight – no pun intended. You say you love him. And you say he tells you that he loves you. But does he only love you if you look a certain way? You also said that you think your fiance is just able to keep his looks naturally. So, what happens in 10 years when he starts to have a nice pooch? I’m not talking about a dog but a big belly that sticks out past the end of his regular t-shirts while he’ slugging back a beer in his Lazy Boy recliner.

God forbid, but what if he is in an accident or if you are? What happens if either one of you would have to spend the rest of your life together spoon feeding your mate? Marriage isn’t just a party so that you can wear a fancy dress and have a honeymoon at a place that offers little umbrellas in the drinks or a roaring fire in your own ski lodge during the honeymoon.

What should you do? Here’s the tough advice.

Do you really want to marry someone who loves you under certain conditions? If today, his condition to marry you has to do with how much you weigh or how you look, what is tomorrow’s condition going to be? I know it may be hard. But marriage is supposed to be something that is a ‘forever commitment.’ If this is the case, wouldn’t you want to consider walking away from such ridiculous conditions and find a man who loves you every day no matter what you look like or what happens? If this man really loves you, he’s going to love the woman you are inside. The outside package has a good chance of changing over the years just like his own ‘outside package.’

Bottom line: Are you willing to settle for what you have right now? Or do you want a man who will love you just as you are? I think you deserve better.

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